night changes many thoughts

I know there's such a thing as seasonal depression... what about nightfall depression? For me, it happens most nights. I'm alone in my room, turn off the light to go to sleep, and suddenly all my fears sweep in, all my insecurities. My mind runs in a hundred different directions, remembering all the things I need to do, all the things I long for, the hurts of that day, the worries of tomorrow, the memories of yesterday... Everything that seemed fine in the daytime is suddenly dark, heavy and scary in my mind.

"Night changes many thoughts."

It's a Lord of the Rings quote I think of on most nights, every time this happens. Most times, the things I think of at night are no more true than during the day. The difference is the darkness, the stillness, the silence of all else but my own thoughts. And suddenly night has changed them.

Sometimes meditating on Scripture helps, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep, begging to God still on my lips. I don't know the cure to this nightfall depression. All I know is that when morning comes, most times I no longer see the demons in my room. Because morning comes, I don't need to fear the terror of night (Psalm 91).

This song summarizes everything. Many nights I fall asleep listening to it, a single lit candle in sight.

When darkness falls at evening time 
And all the world is still 
My heart feels restless, oh my God 
It longs to be filled 

Oh Father rescue me from doubt 
Deliver me from grief 
Let your joy in me abound 
Remove my unbelief, remove my unbelief 

I hear the wind rush through the trees 
A peaceful whistling sound 
But still my soul is not at ease 
And sleep cannot be found 

You are stillness, you are quiet 
You are comfort and peace.

-Jenny & Tyler