philippines: waiting

"You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you." (2 Chronicles 20:17)

The past few days have been a test of patience as Rachel and I have had to sit and watch the rest of our teammates move on with their ministries. As it turns out, Samaritana hasn't given us the go yet; because they have so few staff and so many foreigners (the InterVarsity team) coming to work with them already, they are trying to decide whether they have room for Rachel and I to join their volunteer team this summer. That is completely understandable, considering we asked to join so last-minute. Hopefully we will know sometime this week.

This past weekend, we saw our teammates, Daniel and Rebecca, move into the slums community to stay with their host families without clean running water or electricity, and with a higher likelihood of catching some kind of illness through food or polluted rain water. As we visited them on Saturday so we could help teach at the community school, we saw how they've already started building relationships and making an impact in that community.

We also saw our other teammates, Jacque and Elizabeth, leave the room Saturday evening to meet upstairs with the UP Diliman Navs leadership team for their orientation. When they came back down, they were laughing with excitement as they told us about how friendly everyone was, their plans to tour the campus, housing accommodations, leadership opportunities and evangelism. Yesterday, we dropped them off at the house they will be staying in close to the UP campus.

Meanwhile, Rachel and I have been spending as much time as we could with our teammates before we separated, laughing together, telling stories and encouraging one another. To tell you the truth, it hasn't felt like much of a mission trip so far, and I've been wrestling with feelings of guilt for that. 

As James (our team leader) tells us, based on past short-termers' experiences, they have found it best that we do it this way -- spend the first week doing orientation and just hanging out as a team so we pace ourselves and adjust to the new culture instead of jumping right into ministry and getting burnt out quickly. 

That makes sense to me, but it's been so weird sitting around and seemingly doing nothing, especially since Rachel and I are the only ones not jumping into our ministries quite yet.

But we are going slowly but steadily. 

On Friday, we attended the Young Professionals (YP) Bible study that Ate Jean and Kuya Bobot also minister to. Before I talk about the group, first let me say that, originally, Rachel and I thought we would hear from Samaritana by this past Sunday. Also, there was a possibility that, instead of working with the PUP ministry for the two weeks prior to working with Samaritana, we would be able to live in the slums community with the former prostitutes and build relationships with them before we all headed to the Samaritana center. But if that weren't to work out, Rachel and I would be helping Ate Jean and Kuya Bobot with their PUP and Young Professionals ministry.

Anyway, this was a group of approximately 24 to 32-year-olds who were so friendly and mature. They welcomed us in as we all shared together of how God had played different roles in our lives that week, saying such things as, "God is my Refuge" and "God is my Father."

Yesterday Rachel and I spent the afternoon with Ate Jean, getting to know each other and spending a lot of time in prayer, specifically for wisdom and discernment. We knew that there was need in the PUP ministry because there are such few laborers -- Ate Jean and Kuya Bobot are the only ones meeting one-on-one with the students, and it is difficult for them to do so. Rachel and I are more than willing to help for the first two weeks while we are not serving with Samaritana, but if Samaritana does accept us, we will pick up and leave behind whatever relationships we have begun. 

Do you see the need for discernment? We are waiting on a ministry we have a strong desire of working with, but we can't sit around for a week doing nothing while we wait. So because there is need in the PUP ministry, we will help Ate Jean and Kuya Bobot. But there is risk that once we build these relationships with the students, we will have to pull out too soon to go work with Samaritana. We might do the students harm in this way. But if do nothing all week, Samaritana does not work out and we end up working with the PUP ministry after all, we will have wasted a week we could have spent building relationships with PUP students.

We read 2 Chronicle 20, the passage I referenced at the beginning of this post. When Jehoshaphat didn't know what to do, he immediately resolved to inquire of the Lord. He started by recounting how God had provided in the past, claiming the promises of God, presenting the problem, and then asking God to direct them. 

God replied that the battle was not theirs but His -- that they were to merely take up their positions, stand firm and see the deliverance He would give them. Ate Jean, Rachel and I took such encouragement from that passage. We have to trust that the Lord knows what He is up to. Whether Samaritana works out or not, He has entrusted this PUP ministry to us now. But He goes before us, preparing the paths and fighting the battles. We need only take up our positions, make ourselves available to His work, and watch His deliverance. We need not be afraid, but "go out and face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with [us]" (vs. 17). 

If Samaritana can take us and the time comes for us to pull out, we will trust that the Lord will have used our short time with PUP and that He accomplished what He set out to do. And if Samaritana cannot take us, we will trust that PUP if where the Lord wanted us the whole time after all.

Does that make sense? I hope so, because it is an encouragement. And while this mission trip is looking a lot different than what I thought it would look like, I am starting to know the Lord's peace in this.

While the past few days have tested my patience, God has also been so faithful in answering prayer. As I said in my last post, I have a heart for women in bondage to sexual sin. Coming into this trip, I was praying I would be able to use that passion somehow in the Philippines. If Samaritana works out, that might be one way to do so. But God has provided another opportunity: 

Saturday evening, Ate Jean and James pulled me aside and told me they had been praying about the testimony I had shared with them, and they asked me if I would be willing to share my testimony and give resources and encouragement to the PUP students, Young Professionals and the Nav staff children. They said that sexual sin, namely pornography, is a big thing here in the Philippines, and they know of particular men and women struggling with it. 

I don't know when yet, but if the schedule works out, I will have this opportunity! Ate Jean also knows of a couple women struggling with this whom she wants me to with meet one-on-one to encourage. I am more than excited to do this, and it's an exact answer to prayer that, once again, I am in awe of how God answered!

So stay tuned for how God continues to work. 

In other news, here in the Philippines it costs more to use a restroom at the mall than it does for public transportation. If your bathroom has toilet paper, paper towel and soap, you're fairly high class. Let me tell you, I took full advantage of that restroom today. ;)

--Karla

On Saturday, we paired up and taught different grades at Kuya Willy's school 

(which he started for the slums community to have access to free education). 

I paired up with my teammate Elizabeth. The first class we taught were 4 to 7-year-olds. 

We taught them their ABCs and numbers, and it was very difficult because they barely 

speak English. We ran out of material to teach them in the first half hour, so for the 

next hour, we did a bunch of flash cards and Simon Says and random exercises, 

anything they could understand. They were adorable, but it was fairly miserable, haha. 

The second class was third year high school (so around 14-years-old), and we taught 

English. We weren't given the lesson until we walked into the classroom, so we had to 

relearn the material as we taught because we hadn't seen this material since high school! 

We made a lot of mistakes and most of the time, the students just stared at us. But one of the 

best feelings is teaching them something and seeing almost all the students nod their heads, 

their eyes lit up with understanding as they say, "Oh!" The girls especially were very sweet, 

and asked for our names so they could look us up on Facebook (some of the families in 

the community have Internet access).

After teaching, we spent some time with the kids, playing jump rope. 

The girl in this picture is Rachelle, one of the girls in our first class.

Halo-halo! I have memories of this dessert, 

so being able to eat this often is so good for my soul!

For some of us picky eaters, the restaurant Inasal has become a favorite. 

We have gone more than five times now. So good.

View of the city streets from the bridge over the freeway.

View of the Jeepneys grunting behind us, much like bumper cars, though their 

bold colors remind me of race cars. Taken from the back of a Jeepney as the sounds 

of whistles, honks, engines, brakes, yelling and pounding music filled my ears.

philippines: learning

This is a very long blog post, and hopefully the ones to come won't be as long. But I believe all the details included are necessary to understand how good God is! Also, keep in mind that we are approximately half a day ahead of the States.

Observe.

The smells are so familiar here. That's a thought I have had several times during my first three days here in the Philippines. When I first stepped outside the Manila airport, my first instinct was to hold my breath so as to avoid breathing in the humidity -- the heavy air that holds various smells of pollution, sewage, raw meat, smoke, gasoline and sweat.

But I tell myself to breathe in deeply. Physically breathing in helps tear down the mental block of, "I've been here before. I'm used to all this." There is no mistaking the subtle memories that come to mind when I breathe in. But though I have visited the Philippines three times with my family as a kid, it's been eight years since then, and I see this country -- or, at least, Metro Manila -- with fresh eyes. 

The streets are filled with a mixture of cars, buses, Jeepneys and pedestrians -- and though there is near to no traffic enforcement, it somehow works, similar to the way a school of fish makes its way without bumping into one another. There are children with dark sad eyes, walking alongside you and asking for food. People are passed out along the sides of the streets and buildings, sprawled out in the shade, eyes covered. The trees on the outskirts of the more urban parts of the city are a deep shade of green, outlining the Pasig River. There's a sincerity in the eyes of the Philippine people that matches the kindness of their smiles. 

These are a few of my observations from the first few days here. Many more are to come as I begin to associate relationships with the culture and the sights.

Connect.

My team is already a family. From traveling 24 hours with half my team to meeting up with the other half in the Philippines, our laughter has covered a range of topics, from awkward culture shock moments to watching two members eat balut to peculiar bowel movements. 

We have connected on deeper levels through our love for God and our passion for His people through praying together (we almost missed one of our flights because our eyes were closed in prayer!), visiting different ministry sites, and discussing our ministry decisions.

We have spent the past three days slowly immersing ourselves in the culture, taking the public transportation, eating authentic Philippine food every meal, and learning some of the language, mannerisms and values of Philippine culture in our orientation.

The people here are so great! James, our team leader, has led this trip for 15 years and he is such a hoot!  He is very compassionate and has a great sense of humor. Tonton is in-training, and has such a quiet but humorous personality as well. 

Bobot and Jean are the Philippine Navigators staff, Bobot being the national leader of the Philippine Navs. We've met and hung out with them and their kids, Noynoy, Daidai and Babi. They are so much fun to be around! We've only seen Babi once, but we've seen Noynoy and Daidai a few times now. Noynoy is hilarious, and Daidai is 18 and such an encouragement -- it's rare to find someone her age so secure in who she is. They work directly with the college/high school ministry at Polytechnic University of the Philippines (PUP) and other students in the University Belt. They also have a lot of connections to different Nav ministries around the country.

See.

Our first day here was Tuesday, and we spent it visiting the different ministries we had the option of working with. The first option was serving on the different college campuses, whether in IloIlo, PUP or UP in Diliman. The second option was serving in the slums community.

The college ministry would basically consist of evangelizing on the campus, recruiting students to join the Nav ministry, building relationships, discipleship, and leading Bible studies. The need comes in the lack of Nav staff on these college campuses, and the small amount of student laborers on the campuses.

With the slums, we would be staying with a host family in the community. There are five slum communities, all in extremely poor conditions. The host family would receive a stipend to provide food for us, but otherwise, we would be living as part of the community. With that comes its risks, particularly a strong likelihood to catch an illness. Ministry would consist of teaching English to the children, building relationships with the people (especially teenagers), and leading/participating in Bible studies with the families.

As we visited each site, I didn't feel particularly called to either. The people in the slums broke my heart, but they also made me nervous. The people on the campus were very friendly, but they also made me feel nervous. I didn't understand... the rest of my teammates seemed so excited and ready for these ministries -- why did I feel so uneasy? Why did I feel like there was a ministry option I was missing?

Analyze.

For two nights I had trouble sleeping, a combination of jet lag and anxiety. I wrote six pages in my journal of comparing my options, my strengths and weaknesses, my motives, the need and the risks. I spent a lot of time in prayer, laying out my fears and desires to God. 

Coming into this trip, I was almost completely set on college ministry. But visiting the college campuses, I didn't really connect with the ministry. The Nav students at UP were so full of life and very friendly, but I didn't get excited about the opportunity to evangelize on the campus and minister to the students. 

I heard once that your mission field is where your heart breaks. My heart didn't break on the college campus. It broke in the slums. It broke when a little girl came up to us begging for food in the middle of Nav fellowship at UP. But my fear of being so far out of comfort zone and being so emotionally, mentally and physically unprepared consumed any passion I could have for the slums community. I don't relate too well with children and am really uncomfortable and awkward when I try to relate to the poor. It would be so hard to live there. I couldn't see my strengths playing out in the community, and I saw them being better played out on the college campus.

James told us to be careful not to make our decision based on three things: guilt, need and what others are doing. Nonetheless, those were three big factors in my decision-making process. I saw more need in the slums community, but the thought of it made me so uncomfortable. The college ministry seemed more convenient, but I felt guilty choosing something that involved enclosed air conditioned rooms versus the outdoor mosquito-infested slums. And because two of my team members were already so set on serving in the slums and two others were considering it, I felt like I should too. 

Plus, I was afraid I would regret not taking the opportunity to experience the slums and see if I could become passionate for those people. I knew also that a big reason in my mind to choose the slums was because I thought it would sound better to people at home, like that was the only option that would make this a "real" mission trip.

My teammates joked that we spent more thought making a decision that would affect the next five weeks than we did deciding on which college to go to, which would affect four years of our lives.

Listen.

I spent some time listening to God Wednesday morning, and He really spoke Mark 4:35-41 to me. He showed me that my decision was being heavily influenced by fear. I prayed that my decision would not be based on selfish motives and that whatever ministry I chose to become involved in would bring Him glory.

"Why are you so afraid? O you of little faith... Why are you so scared? I don't need you; I could do this all on my own. But I am allowing you to join me in my cause for the poor and the lost. Don't ruin this opportunity -- don't miss out and get caught up in anxiety and fear, but enjoy this privilege to walk alongside Me, stepping out in trust. Have faith, my dear one. Hope that I am doing more than what you can see right now -- both in you and in the circumstances you'll be placed in. And above all, love Me. Be prepared to love the ones I entrust to you, whoever and wherever they may be."

By Wednesday afternoon, I began to lean toward the college ministry. Two teammates were set on the slums, one was still torn, and two were almost set on the college ministry. I started getting excited about serving with the two women wanting to do college ministry, and they discussed how at peace they felt about the decision. I wanted so badly to be able to honestly say the same thing, but I couldn't! I't really frustrated me, because this is something I wanted to be passionate about and had mentally prepared myself for. But something inside me held me back from saying that I was sure this is where God wanted me.

Thursday morning, it was time to make our decision. We gathered around the table and discussed what it would mean to abide in Christ during our time here (abide!), as well as discussed some other business such as finances. 

Then Bobot and Jean came in to discuss our decisions with us. But the Holy Spirit prompted me to speak to James first before making a decision. The whole time, I had felt this prompting, but didn't think it was worth mentioning because the ministry options we were given obviously had to be the only options we had. But I just had to make sure, and I believe the Holy Spirit knew that.

Decide.

James and I talked outside the room, and I explained to him my heart for women in bondage to sexual sin. I shared how I had been addicted to and struggled with pornography since I was 10 years old, and how God has worked in my life since then. I told him about the Into the Light study my roommate and I did with four other women who were struggling with various forms of sexual sin last fall semester, that it continued on with a new group of girls this past spring semester, and that it will continue on next year. And I shared that we spoke at the women's regional conference, gave them resources and encouraged women to bring it to their own campuses. This is a movement, and this is where my heart is. Going into this mission trip, part of me believed that there would be a place for this in the Philippines. I just didn't know what it would like.

Immediately, James said it would be perfect if I worked with the Samaritana ministry. Samaritana houses former prostitutes, loves them and teaches them to support themselves outside of prostitution. It's a Navigators ministry also in Manila, and in the past US Nav Missions groups have worked with them, but this year James hadn't been able to get in contact with them. It's also a little more complicated to get involved in. This year, a group of 20 Inter Varsity students are coming to work with the ministry.

But James spoke to Jean who got in contact with the Samaritana Nav staff, and long story short, I and Rachel, another teammate who was torn between the two original ministry options (James had mentioned to her the possibility of working with Samaritana before, and she was sad when he said he couldn't get in contact with them), are now serving with Samaritana!

Because we are two separate ministry teams coming together, there are some complications in scheduling, and as a result, Rachel and I can only work with Samaritana from July 9-20. Details are still up in the air until Sunday, but if there's room for us, we will be staying in the slums community with the women, starting to build relationships with them until we move to the Samaritana center on July 9. If that doesn't happen, between now and then, we will be helping Bobot and Jean with their PUP ministry, ministering to the girls. While I am bummed that we can't serve with Samaritana longer than a week and a half, I am just thankful God provided this opportunity at all! And while I am still praying it works out for Rachel and I to live in the slums community, I am also excited to get to know the PUP girls and to have more time to connect with Daidai if that's what happens.

Believe.

I am so in awe of how God worked it all out. It's difficult to put into words how anxious I was about this decision, and how much a test of faith it was for me. But abide in Him, and He will abide in you, right? I believe that made a big difference in being able to listen to the Holy Spirit's prompting while led to this last-minute ministry option. And I know it will make a big difference in how the next five weeks are spent. I can't tell you enough how important it is to abide in Jesus!

Today (Friday) we are splitting up. Daniel and Rebecca are moving out of the Nav building to live in the slums community. Elizabeth, Jacque, Rachel and I are staying in the Nav building. Elizabeth and Jacque are commuting to the University of the Philippines in Diliman and will start working with the students there. Rachel and I will be with Jean and will discuss what the next two weeks with the PUP ministry will look like.

Every Saturday we will all come together again to teach English (some of us will teach other subjects) to the children in the slums. On Sundays, we will rest, hang out, share and pray together. Then on Mondays, we will go back to our separate ministries.

I believe God is going to do so much in and through our team. The past three days already have been a whirlwind of emotions, trust and new culture, and I can't imagine what else God has in store for us and the people we will be serving!

I will give more details on the Samaritana ministry when I have them. Pray for wisdom and ready hearts for all of us, please!

Thank you all for your support and love =)

--Karla

Jacque and Daniel on the 13-hour plane ride.

Last leg from Beijing to Manila.

James (our team leader) leading orientation for us.

Noynoy (left) and James (right).

(From left to right) Tonton, Elizabeth, Jacque and Rachel! 

Sitting in on a PUP Bible study.

Breakfast! Pandesal, egg and pineapple. So good!

The view out the window from a bus ride we took to UP Diliman.

(Left to right) Daidai, Rachel and Jacque! Walking in the city.

The children in the slums community. So cute!

 Pasig River, near the PUP campus.

View of the street out the back of our van.

The campus of UP in Diliman. So beautiful!

at 21

Turning 21 is apparently supposed to be this really grand thing. It seemed like it was for a lot of my 21-year-old friends in college. But when you're a military kid and you're not in school anymore, turning 21 really just means losing your military status -- and the health insurance and discounts that come with it. It means needing to be independent, having more responsibility... Or maybe that's just because my 21st came at the same time as college graduation.

Whatever it is, turning 21 wasn't such a grand thing. Of course, I have a wonderful family that made it special for me, as they do every birthday. They took me out to a movie, got me a cake, sang to me, gave me some nice gifts, took me out to dinner, bought me a drink, and let me choose which games we played afterward. I had friends send their birthday wishes. I even had a friend I hadn't seen in a year-and-a-half surprise me late at night with a lit candle and a birthday shot.

But on a deeper level, turning 21 was hard. Well, not the aging part, but the day it so happened to fall on.

At 21, I saw the potential for a sin I am very tempted and capable of engaging in (no, it has nothing to do with drinking too much).

At 21, I realized I am still very disorganized (ran multiple errands today, including some for my Philippines mission trip that I should have done earlier).

At 21, I learned I am really quite stupid. Really. I mean, who goes the day having only eaten a bagel all morning/afternoon, doesn't drink enough water, has sugar (birthday cake) right before going out to dinner and downs three-fourths of a margarita before her meal comes? Yeah, this girl. My neck stiffened, head throbbed, throat felt closed up, and I got rather nauseous. Embarrassing.

At 21, I am still a child, getting caught up in misunderstandings and hurting people's feelings. It all ended well, but not without tears and some hard communication. At 21, I still have the tendency to see from only my perspective in an argument, and not consider the other's perspective.

At 21, I know I am still a work in progress. Age is just a number. This morning I read 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, the first verse saying that though we age -- though we decay on the outside each day -- we are being renewed on the inside at the same time. They work opposite each other.

Our failures may be highlighted at the turn of each birth year, but that is a micro perspective. If I step back, I know I will see a glimpse of what God sees every day -- a daughter whose life is being redeemed each day, each grand mistake and lesson learned pouring into an even grander blessing and abundance of grace undeserved, a life that brings Him honor and praise.

At 21, I am still failing.
At 21, I am still growing.
At 21, I am still seeking.
At 21, I am still abiding in Jesus. May He be ever known.

big worship

Tonight I went to theMILL for the first time with a couple friends, and it was what I thought it would be: 1) big, 2) friendly people, 3) powerful worship, and 4) an extremely original, sound and thought-provoking sermon.

I get a little hesitant with getting too caught up in "spiritual highs" when it comes to big groups, big worship and big sermons. So nowadays I tend to not let myself go or get too emotional in worship, and I refrain from over-thinking any conviction in a sermon and thus come out of them with no application to my life. While I am still working through this, I let myself go a little tonight -- I allowed God to show me what He wanted from me.

I could go on about the sermon, so I'll stick with discussing what God taught me during worship. This past week a particular "gray" activity has been weighing on my mind; I continued to justify my doing it, and shut the Holy Spirit out when He was trying to tell me what's what.

One of the songs tonight was "Take All Of Me" by Hillsong. As I sang the line, All of my hope is in You, it hit me -- all my hope should be in God. (There's a little more personal backstory as to why this was a "breakthrough" thought for me; and if you ask, I may share.)

That was when I knew without a doubt that the activity I was participating in was really a sin, because I was making it my source of hope, comfort and security instead of relying on God for those things. I knew I had made it an idol. I am in the process (once again) of repenting of this sin, and I am so thankful that God was with me at theMILL tonight.

A few other things that have been good for my soul this past week:

1. Spending hours in the pool (first time in over a year!) with my family during our Breckenridge vacation.
2. An unexpected 30-minute conversation with my younger brother about morals, personal struggles, the Bible and relationships.
3. Climbing/bouldering/scrambling along some tall waterfalls with my brother and dad.
4. Meeting and hanging out with some UCCS Navs after the MILL tonight; not only was it fun, but it was reassuring to see that making new friends here might not be so hard after all.

the view from the top of the waterfalls