at 21

Turning 21 is apparently supposed to be this really grand thing. It seemed like it was for a lot of my 21-year-old friends in college. But when you're a military kid and you're not in school anymore, turning 21 really just means losing your military status -- and the health insurance and discounts that come with it. It means needing to be independent, having more responsibility... Or maybe that's just because my 21st came at the same time as college graduation.

Whatever it is, turning 21 wasn't such a grand thing. Of course, I have a wonderful family that made it special for me, as they do every birthday. They took me out to a movie, got me a cake, sang to me, gave me some nice gifts, took me out to dinner, bought me a drink, and let me choose which games we played afterward. I had friends send their birthday wishes. I even had a friend I hadn't seen in a year-and-a-half surprise me late at night with a lit candle and a birthday shot.

But on a deeper level, turning 21 was hard. Well, not the aging part, but the day it so happened to fall on.

At 21, I saw the potential for a sin I am very tempted and capable of engaging in (no, it has nothing to do with drinking too much).

At 21, I realized I am still very disorganized (ran multiple errands today, including some for my Philippines mission trip that I should have done earlier).

At 21, I learned I am really quite stupid. Really. I mean, who goes the day having only eaten a bagel all morning/afternoon, doesn't drink enough water, has sugar (birthday cake) right before going out to dinner and downs three-fourths of a margarita before her meal comes? Yeah, this girl. My neck stiffened, head throbbed, throat felt closed up, and I got rather nauseous. Embarrassing.

At 21, I am still a child, getting caught up in misunderstandings and hurting people's feelings. It all ended well, but not without tears and some hard communication. At 21, I still have the tendency to see from only my perspective in an argument, and not consider the other's perspective.

At 21, I know I am still a work in progress. Age is just a number. This morning I read 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, the first verse saying that though we age -- though we decay on the outside each day -- we are being renewed on the inside at the same time. They work opposite each other.

Our failures may be highlighted at the turn of each birth year, but that is a micro perspective. If I step back, I know I will see a glimpse of what God sees every day -- a daughter whose life is being redeemed each day, each grand mistake and lesson learned pouring into an even grander blessing and abundance of grace undeserved, a life that brings Him honor and praise.

At 21, I am still failing.
At 21, I am still growing.
At 21, I am still seeking.
At 21, I am still abiding in Jesus. May He be ever known.